Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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