Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
