I skipped work to stalk him.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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