suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
