Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I came so hard my ears popped.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize