OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
