Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The uberlube is also flammable
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize