The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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