So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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