My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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