So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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