I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
