My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
