is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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