u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize