I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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