I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
