dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
