I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
