He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
