yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
