The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
