Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
