I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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