Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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