we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
