i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Sext me about skeletons
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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