every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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