I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
