writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
