Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
