i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
