I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize