Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I need to align my fucking chakras
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
