And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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