At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Are these your boobs on my camera?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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