After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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