I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
