I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
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