It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
