just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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