A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
