I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
