You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
3pm strippers are depressing
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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