Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
