I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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