If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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