Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
