I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
