Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
