I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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