and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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