He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
