he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
