oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
