I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
