And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
