I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
