I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
