U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
