The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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