You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
