bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
