No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
