I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
