my shit smells like andre
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize