hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize