She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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