I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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