I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize