she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
