it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
